Dear Grandparenting: What do you say to an 18-year-old granddaughter who brings along a different guy whenever she comes home from college? It’s just a revolving door around here, more like a revolving bedroom door. My daughter says it’s none of my business. My granddaughter says she’s “experimenting” and this is “no big deal.” I say she is developing a habit that will come to haunt her.
It’s been my experience that girls who do a whole lot of sleeping around will grow up to become women who can’t seem to make marriage work. If you have this need to change boyfriends every couple of months, what’s the problem changing husbands? I taught my daughter that life is full of ups and downs. She obviously didn’t pass it on. Maybe I’m just a dinosaur for thinking a girl shouldn’t give it all away like that. Maybe it’s just a generation gap thing between my granddaughter and myself. Or maybe you all can shine some light on this? Just asking, Lake St. Louis, Missouri
Dear Just Asking: It’s not like anyone needs more proof about how society is on a sexually permissive upswing, but here it is anyway. How well we remember when two separate bedrooms for unmarried visitors was non-negotiable, and still is in many households. But a great many others have stopped fighting that battle, figuring the horse is already out of the barn.
Grandchildren have been cautioned about filling up on the forbidden fruit for generations. Now there may be something of scientific substance to back that up. According to a 2011 study in Journal of Marriage and Family, sexually active teenage girls experience significantly higher rates of divorce than do females who waited until adulthood. Nearly 50 percent of the former were divorced within 10 years, versus 27 percent of those who put on the brakes.
But that’s just a number and it doesn’t account for individual differences, nor imply that sexually active teens are necessarily headed for Splitsville. The authors of the study emphasize the weight of women’s power of choice on sexual decisions – teens that reported “unwanted” sexual experiences were at greatest risk for a range of future problems, including divorce. All in all, we think the findings give granddaughters like yours something to think about.
GRAND REMARK OF THE WEEK
Buckaroo from Marshall, Michigan, “used to think I was too old to fall in love again. Then I became a grandfather.”
Dee and Tom, married more than 50 years, have eight grandchildren. Together with Key, they welcome questions, suggestions and Grand Remarks of the Week. Send to P.O. Box 27454, Towson, MD, 21285. Call 410-963-4426.
